Chapter Five

One more week down. I don't really know what I have necessarily accomplished in this week. It has been a frustrating week with scheduling and an even more frustrating week with packing. It seems like the more we pack, the more breeds. Not to sound too drone, but the laundry is also breeding. And just when I thought I could start my week anew, a lovely 2 am vomit session began. Thankfully, the Lord gave me a sentence to cling to today so I would not spin off into paranoia about who "It's" next victim would be. "Worry is no more than speculation about the future that will rob you of joy in the present." Such a novel idea. With that, I fed my kids spaghettios and sloppy joes today sticking my tongue out disrespectively towards the dreaded stomach virus. "I dare you to claim another victim!" However, I failed to fulfill the latter half of the proverb. I did not find the joy I so needed and my kids so needed. I am trying so hard to turn my parenting around. Step 1 is getting my kids to fear me. That kinds of starts by being a "mean" mom. Not taking any flack. I am feeling too much like a drill sargent and failing to find joy in between the chaos. My 2 (almost 3) year old is not helping much, though. She seems to find every opportunity to rebel and abuse possible. I pray the 3's will be better than the 2's. God knew to make her cute! Anyway, my book study I am doing on Sunday nights brought the concept of daily manna to me. I like this and dislike this. The concept is that God only gives you what you need for today, right now. Isn't that wonderful that we don't have to worry about our future or our needs because are heavenly Father is already working on our behalf. However, I dislike this because I am the wo-man with a plan. I like knowing what is going to happen. I don't like surprises. I like lists and schedules and -well - plans! The Israelites suffered with spoiled, rotten bread, however, when they tried to gather more than the daily allotted amount. So God gave me my "manna" statement today above. I look forward to what he will give me tomorrow for what I will face. (hope that is not too much planning). I am just so worn out, and I am my own worst enemy. Here I am journaling and "encouraging" and "rejuvenating" myself typing at 1:34am. Sleep eludes me, and I desperately fight it in hopes of winning more alone time to sit and read, write, or watch my favorite tv program. Ah, the joys of being a mom to young kids...no time. With that, I will bid myself goodnight and hate myself in the morning for this "healthy" activity. Goodnight!